intrusive thoughts
i've been having an intrusive thought…
what if i just send my 4 weeks notice next week?
no next job lined up. atlassian interview series coming in a few weeks. but nothing else.
work is soul-draining. when i look at my new assigned project, i feel only dread and boredom.
having to onboard to something, implementing my learning scaffolds for something that's only a short part of my life. i don't want that.
there's a tactical component to this: send my 4 weeks notice, send clear intent that i am on the way out loosens responsibility, frees up time. time that i can put into interviews, or to re-orient my career goals.
best tactical scenario, i seamlessly transition into another job. most likely scenario, i don't have that transition. market could be bad. could be a johnny.
but so what?
my vest hits this saturday. i have ample savings. i'll still have my girlfriend, my friends, my family. i won't die…
take the time to do what i want to do. start a product. lift more. dive back into mathematics, science, marketing, business. try, fail, do it again.
i write this mentally sound. logic tells me stability = good. "i should be grateful for my job". "think of all the people who would kill to be in your position"!
but what if i said fuck that. end this chapter on my terms. see the sun a bit. breathe the air a bit. stake my survival on my ability to figure it out.
This was written 3 days before submitting my 4 weeks notice for my role at Amazon. In the short term, I felt free. Like I had made a great leap into the abyss.
The long term outcome of this is TBD.